When you meet someone who checks all your boxes but you’re not attracted to them, it’s hard to know what to do next. Do you keep dating them or hope attraction shows up? Should you give it more time, or should you cut ties early on? Let’s explore some strategies for navigating this common dating dilemma.
How to figure out what to do if you’re not attracted to them
1. Give it Three Dates: First impressions aren’t always accurate in dating. It’s natural for attraction to take some time to develop. However, it’s also essential not to linger in uncertainty indefinitely. One approach is to give it three dates max to see if the attraction grows. By the third date, you should have a clearer sense of whether there’s potential for chemistry. If not, it’s okay to gracefully part ways.
2. Opt for Dynamic Dates: To truly gauge your compatibility and potential attraction, consider diversifying your date experiences. Opt for more dynamic activities instead of sticking to the conventional dinner-and-drinks routine. Whether you go hiking, attend a cooking class together, explore an art gallery, or even try an escape room, stepping out of your comfort zone can help you see your date in a different light and potentially spark that elusive chemistry.
10 Dynamic Date Ideas
- Outdoor adventures like hiking, biking, or kayaking
- Attending a concert, comedy show or storytelling show. Author readings and poetry readings are great too
- Exploring a museum, art gallery or botanical garden together
- Try new foods at a food festival or go for a food experience like hot pot, omakase, or Korean bbq.
- Taking a fitness class together like yoga, spin or kickboxing
- Visiting a local farmer’s market or flea market, then have a picnic
- Venture out of your town or city to explore for a day
- Hit up a boardgame bar and enjoy some friendly competition
- Go grocery shopping and cook together (okay I know it sounds boring, but with someone you’re just getting to know, it’s fun)
3. Reflect and Communicate: If you are unsure about your feelings towards someone after a few dates, take some time for introspection. Reflect on what you’re looking for in a partner and whether your date aligns with those qualities. Identify any specific questions or topics that might help you gain clarity during your next interaction. Open communication is critical; don’t hesitate to express your uncertainties with your date. Honesty fosters understanding and can lead to more meaningful romantic or platonic connections.
4. Trust Your Instincts: Ultimately, trust your instincts. If something feels off or the attraction isn’t developing despite your efforts, it’s okay to acknowledge that the connection might not suit you. Don’t force a relationship to fit where it doesn’t naturally align. Trust that the right person will inspire genuine attraction and excitement without ambiguity.
Don’t date someone you’re not attracted to
Call it quits if you’ve given it a chance (3 dates) and you’re not feeling the slightest spark of attraction. You gave it a shot.
In conclusion, navigating the complexities of attraction and feelings while dating in your 30s requires patience, exploration, and self-awareness. Allow yourself to explore different dynamics, communicate openly, and trust your instincts. Remember, the journey to finding meaningful connections is as much about self-discovery as it is about discovering others.