Have you ever met someone incredible, only to find out they’re a bad kisser? That first kiss can be a touching, heartwarming moment; it can ignite a whole bunch of fireworks, or it can turn a fantastic date into a total dud.
When does the first kiss happen?
You don’t have to kiss after a first date. Most post-date kisses, except for one electrifying one, were mainly pretty stiff, safe, and just very okay. Kissing on the second or third date is fine.
There are no rules, but typically, a first kiss will happen within the first 3 dates when you’re starting to get to know someone. But it could come later too, depending on your comfort level, cultural norms, religious beliefs, or if you’re long distance, of course
How do I ask for consent for a first kiss?
Sometimes if they don’t make a move first, you might wonder if you should.
I don’t care who you date, if you’re a man, woman, or nonbinary, asking for consent before a first kiss does not have to be awkward or kill the mood.
I think you also need a certain level of vibe awareness to just go for a first kiss, but when in doubt, you can just ask!
“Can I kiss you?” That is a great question. I’ve asked it, and I’ve been asked it. It’s respectful, direct, and easy: yes or no.
If they ask for your consent and you’re not feeling it, you can say, “How about a hug?” or “Thanks for asking, but I’m not sure yet,” and let them down easily like that.
If you ask for consent and they say no, You can be like, “I’m glad I asked,” or “Thanks for being honest,” and laugh it off.
Rejection sucks, but again, if this is a first kiss, it’s likely this person is a stranger, and you don’t need to let this rejection define you.
Does a first kiss have to be a quick peck?
A first kiss can be quick or more of a makeout. It’s really whatever you want and what the vibe is.
Personally, I preferred a quick lingering kiss—not a full makeout. My first kisses with people I dated were usually on a sidewalk or sometimes in a bar. I’m not very big on PDA in the first place, so a quick one with just a little pressure and definitely no tongue always felt appropriate.
Talk about it afterward if you want to get the most out of a first kiss with someone you like! Squeeze the momentum out of it. I’ve had a few first kisses on dates that took a meh date to someone I’m excited about. And I know that sounds a little different than what I usually say, but I’m human, and I’m not immune to a lot of chemistry in a first kiss.
What if the first kiss is bad? Are we doomed?
Don’t judge someone by the first kiss. Sometimes, people get nervous or we need time to get used to each other’s kissing styles.
Kissing can improve with practice and direction as well.
Bad kissers might not even really be bad kissers – it’s possible they just have a style you don’t like!
How do I give direction to a bad kisser?
Try taking the lead. I feel like in kissing, there’s a leader and a follower. It’s kind of like tennis — you’re going back and forth. It’s hard to explain, but you can take the lead when kissing by being just a little more assertive with what you’re doing. And see if they follow and match your rhythm. You can even say, “Follow my lead.”
Alternatively, you can say something like, I like when you kiss me like this. Let me show you. Then, demonstrate how you would like to be kissed by kissing them.
Someone in my DMS shared this with me: “Recently, the best kiss I’ve had was with guys that I’ve gone on a few dates with and texted about how we liked to kiss, so when it happened, we both knew what each other liked and made it even more enjoyable.”
Be direct! You can say, “I’d like it if you kissed me slower, faster, harder, softer, with less tongue,” or whatever you need, and then see what happens. Kissing is a team sport, so it’s good to have this clear communication and feedback. As always, say what you want, not what they’re doing wrong.
What do I do if they have bad breath while kissing?
When you encounter someone with bad breath, here’s what to do:
You have to say this gently but directly. Just be like, “Ok, if I were in your shoes, I’d want someone to tell me this… Your breath smells a bit off! Have you ever noticed?” just again, remember you’re doing this for yourself, but also, they’d probably want to know if their breath stinks. I would!
You can be less direct and offer them a mint or some gum. If they say no, you can reply, “I think you kind of need it!” Say it gently with a smile.
Are you the bad kisser?
We can’t ignore this possibility – are you the bad kisser here? Here are some signs you might be a bad kisser:
- Do a breath check. Is your breath okay?
- Do you feel like you bump your teeth a lot?
- Do you always have to wipe your mouth after kissing? That could mean there’s too much slobbering happening. Unless you’re into it
- Are your lips super dry and chapped? It’s not the most pleasant thing to be on the receiving end of when kissing. Of course, I know some medications can cause this, and there are a lot of ways to treat chapped/dry lips.
- Are you shoving your tongue into their mouth? Again, maybe someone out there likes this, but most people I’ve talked to about this are not into it.
- Has someone you’ve been dating for a while avoided kissing you, not in a playful, silly way, but in an ongoing way? That could also be a sign that the relationship isn’t great—not necessarily that you’re a bad kisser.
- Do you do really fast tongue and mouth movements? Again, there could be someone out there who prefers that, but most people don’t
- Biting—I think most people would be open to a little lip nibble here and there if the mood is right, but not for a first kiss after a date or as you’re getting to know someone—it just might send the wrong signal or be too aggressive for them. Full-on biting is a no.
- If you feel like your mouth is way too open or way too closed when kissing, that could be an issue too, but i think this is more of a preference thing as well.
Can I reject someone if they’re a bad kisser?
It’s okay to reject someone if your kissing styles don’t line up. If you’ve tried the above and there are no improvements, it’s not worth sticking around. You deserve someone you enjoy kissing, and they deserve someone who wants to kiss them!
So, I hope this helps. If you encounter someone who doesn’t kiss in a style you prefer, you have options. You can try to lead the kissing, talk about it directly, have fun with it, and show each other your preferred kissing styles, or decide to end it if it’s really just not working for you.
I think kissing is important, and it’s not something to ignore if you don’t like someone’s style. You deserve someone you love kissing, and so does everyone else.