Navigating dating is tricky when your date is bad at texting. Are they interested in you, or are they just a bad texter?
This common scenario can lead to frustration and misunderstanding. Does it mean they don’t like you if they’re not texting? If things are great in person, but they go silent when you’re apart, does it mean they’re not serious?
In this post, I’m sharing constructive ways to address this issue and foster healthier communication habits early on in the dating process.
If you’ve been dating someone and notice their texts are slow, dry, and unenthusiastic, approach the topic with understanding and empathy. Here are my
tips.
Bring up texting habits on your next date.
One effective strategy is to broach the subject in person during your next date. Casually bring up the topic by saying something like, “You’re not a big texter, are you?” in a friendly way. Say it with a smile. This opens the door for a candid discussion about texting habits without placing blame or creating tension.
By initiating this conversation face-to-face, you can learn more about each other’s communication preferences. It’s also better to have these types of conversations in person so you don’t miss body language and the tone of their voice.
When you talk about texting habits, you might discover that your date isn’t fond of texting but is open to other forms of communication, such as phone calls or in-person conversations. This exchange allows you to gauge whether your communication styles align and whether a compromise that satisfies your needs and expectations is possible.
Ask them about texting via text if that’s easier.
While this isn’t ideal, you can address the subject via text message if you’re hesitant to discuss the subject in person. For example, you could send a message like, “How much communication do you typically like between dates?” This approach allows you to express your curiosity about their communication preferences directly yet respectfully.
Once you’ve initiated the conversation, consider solutions that accommodate your needs and your partner’s preferences. If you value frequent communication and your date isn’t as keen on texting, explore alternative methods of staying connected. These could involve scheduling regular phone calls, setting aside time for video chats, or arranging in-person meetups more frequently.
Or you might find that your styles don’t match up and the anxiety it causes you isn’t worth it.
You can’t change how someone texts.
It’s crucial to acknowledge that if your misalignment in texting habits causes significant anxiety or frustration, it may indicate a deeper compatibility issue.
In such cases, it’s essential to reflect on whether the relationship fulfills your needs and whether both parties are willing to compromise and adapt.
Additionally, it’s worth noting that relying too heavily on text-based communication to get to know someone can be limiting. While texting can be convenient for quick exchanges and making plans, meaningful connections often flourish through face-to-face interactions.
Save the deeper conversations and getting-to-know-you moments for real-life interactions where you can connect more profoundly.
You can absolutely make a request or let someone know you prefer more texting, but at the end of the day, they’re probably not going to turn into the texter of your dreams.
Some people don’t like texting.
While you may be someone who loves to be on your phone and text with your friends and family all day, that doesn’t mean they’re like that.
Some people truly do not enjoy texting and that has nothing to do with how much they like you or their intentions.
It’s reasonable to expect a response within 24 hours. But if they can’t do that, and your anxiety is sending you into a spiral of doubt, then it just might not be a match.
How you feel with them in person is more important than how you feel when texting.
In the early dating stage, texting feels important because it allows you to stay in touch while your bond is still forming. But once you’re in a full-blown relationship and more committed, texting matters much less.
Recognize that texting provides a hit of dopamine. And someone’s ability to have deep conversations via text doesn’t mean they will be a good partner.
How they show up for you in person (and if they even make time to see you) says it all. You will also learn a lot from how they respond when you tell them you prefer more contact between dates.
I recommend bringing it up in conversation and see if they make any adjustments. If they seem empathetic to your need for more text communication, great! If they freak out, dismiss your needs, or start to withdraw, the answer is clear: they’re just a fun date with no intention of doing the work.
Remember, though, that just because you ask someone to make an adjustment or tell someone what you need doesn’t mean they’re willing or capable of doing it. Step back and see what they do once you bring it up and share your thoughts/feelings.